10 best answers for theology students stumped in class

OK, theology students out there. Your teacher asks you difficult theology questions? Do you never know how to answer? Tired of not knowing what the heck to say? These ten answers should get you out of any given Christian theology question. Use with abandon and confidence.

10. Get thee behind me, Satan! (p.s. may have to drop course afterward)

9. Professor, I was practicing lectio divina on the text, and the material was so rich, I didn't get past the first paragraph.

8. But why do I need to answer such things when all is vanity? Do you want me to contribute to that?

7. In all respect, professor, I don't see why I have to answer when Thomas Aquinas more or less aced it for all eternity.

6. Um, if you could just give me a minute--I'm figuring out the numerology embedded in your question before I answer. Could be a sign, you know.

5. (On a slip of paper to be handed to the professor) I just had a vision that has rendered me speechless. I expect to be able to talk again when my wife gives birth to our miracle child and prophet. I trust you'll understand. Thanks.

4. "The only solution is love." (Dorothy Day)

3. Jesus is the reason for the season, the rizzle for the sizzle, the tension for the question. (snaps fingers at end, dances out of the room)

2. The paschal mystery. It always goes back to the paschal mystery.

1. (with solemn intonation) Well, you know, ...God.

The Ironic Catholic