The Onion and Prince Fielder

A co-worker recently introduced me to the awesomeness that is The Onion parody articles about Prince Fielder (first baseman for the Milwaukee Brewers; well known for his home-run hitting abilities).

Photo: The Onion.

Because it's Friday... because we all need a laugh...

- Prince Fielder explains complexities of salary arbitration using cheeseburgers,

Fielder, who began the demonstration by carefully organizing 20 cheeseburgers into a neat pile on the table, attempted to simplify the subject by selecting four cheeseburgers to symbolize the player, team, salary dispute, and neutral arbitrator. The two-time All-Star then quickly unwrapped and consumed all four cheeseburgers.

Speaking with his mouth full of cheeseburger while struggling to shove an additional cheeseburger into the orifice, Fielder stressed the importance of creating leverage, using a chicken finger to wedge his jaws open.

- The Prince Fielder Diaries: An awkward and overweight cleanup hitter on an average team learns that he's the heir to the throne of Batvia.

- Photo: Prince Fielder puts a dozen doughtnuts on bat.

- Photo: Prince Fielder dies of inside-the-park homerun.

- C.C. Sabathia, Prince Fielder keep imagining each other as giant talking hot dog, hamburger:

The Brewers' playoff push has run afoul of an unusual distraction, as sources close to the organization confirm that newly acquired husky starting pitcher C.C. Sabathia and sizable power-hitting first baseman Prince Fielder continue to visualize one another as a 6'7" chili cheese dog and a 260-pound hamburger with all the trimmings, respectively.

Team insiders say the problem has become a serious disruption, with numerous incidences of each player tying a bib around his neck, holding a knife and fork in their outstretched hands, and chasing the other around the ballpark.

Go Brewers!

- Virginia