LarryD is out this week (probably being investigated by the Fishwrap), but
his sit in akathemom is great!
1. While at the zoo, I briefly contemplated throwing myself into the lion’s den. Then the zookeeper fed them, and I knew that those lions might not be in the mood to eat fresh Christian. I don’t want to be anyone’s snack. That’s just lame. Maybe licking would count? I think lions would have scratchy sandpaper cat tongues, don’t you? Licking would not be fun. It would be downright UN-comfortable. That counts…right?
2. St Lucy’s eyeballs on a plate are cool and all, but that’s really not my thing. Maybe we could do something with the creepy box of baby teeth that my mother never threw out. Those things are crazy gross.
3. I thought about upside down crucifixion like St Peter. It would be guaranteed to get me up there on a mural in some cathedral. That sounds really great and all, but I get nauseous when I’m upside down for too long. Like this one time in the third grade when I hung upside down on the monkey bars too long and I threw up all over Monica’s shoes. I didn’t really like Monica, so that was a bonus, but I don’t want to be remembered as “that gross saint who they hung upside down and she puked everywhere.” What would I be the patron saint of? Roller coaster riders? No thank you.
continue at Acts of the Apostasy
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