Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Demanding bipartisan talks at family dinner, Peter Karlen launches three-hour filibuster

When we last checked in with the Karlen Family, the political situation was volatile as the Children's Party reacted strongly against the Grown-Up Party passing the family's annual budget that failed to include increases in funding for education as well as "candy, video games and other awesome stuff." 

Playing hardball: Peter refused to entertain any dinner table discussion that he found "boring."

After completing long, hard workdays, Grown-Up Party (G.U.P.) co-leaders Steve and Laura Karlen were looking forward to some adult conversation over dinner.
"Oh, you know how it goes," said Steve. "We've both had our noses to the old grindstone and we were really looking forward to catching up. I thought Laura would like to hear about a book I'm reading on developing the interior life, and I know she was eager to tell me about Fr. Robert Barron's guest appearance on Relevant Radio."

Children's Party leader, six-year-old Peter Karlen made sure that conversation never happened. Demanding "truly bipartisan" dinner-time conversation that was "more interesting for kids," Peter launched a three hour filibuster.


Peter's populist approach has increased speculation that he's interested in running for a higher office.

"Like many politicians and children, Peter can be a bit long-winded," said Laura. "He told us all about playing football at recess--even diagramming plays on the dining room table with his finger. We figured we'd just listen to him and then have some time to talk to each other."

But it soon became clear that Peter had no intention of yielding the floor. "It wasn't enough that we took an interest in his day at school," Steve said. It's almost like he refused to allow any discussion that he considered 'boring.'"

When Peter excused himself from the table to wash his hands, Steve and Laura thought they'd finally found the opportunity to have a good discussion. However, Peter's Children's Party colleague John Paul took advantage of a rarely used procedural maneuver to keep his brother's filibuster alive.

"Ok, so I'm just about to tell Steve about some really fascinating insights on the New Evangelization that Fr. Barron was sharing, and John Paul threw his sippy cup on the floor," Laura said. "Of  course the lid pops off, and we've got milk everywhere. By the time we got done cleaning up the mess, Peter came back and began a lengthy discourse on all his favorite animals."

While Peter's three-hour filibuster wasn't the longest on record, it still drew rave reviews from his peers, like seven-year-old Owen from across the street.

"No, Peter's filibuster wasn't as long as Strom Thurmond's infamous 24-hour effort to try to derail the Civil Rights Act of 1957. But let's face it; Sen. Thurmond was reading biscuit recipes," said Owen.

"Peter, on the other hand, was asking the hard questions that children want REAL answers to. Questions like 'How hot do you think it is on the sun?' or 'When can we go to the zoo?' or 'How many days is it until my birthday?'

Karlen Family political observers described Peter's filibuster as "totally precedented."
Peter's filibuster finally came to an end shortly before 8:30 when he was forced to brush his teeth and get ready for bed. However, once he was tucked in, Steve and Laura found themselves too tired to move forward.

"Yeah, as soon as Peter went to bed, Laura passed out on the couch," Steve said. "I--and I'm not proud to admit this--just wasted time on the internet for awhile."

Upon waking up, Laura issued the following statement: "Huh? What time is it? 10:53? We should go to bed."

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